Shedding Those Extra Pounds

Oh no! What shall we do? The age and average weight of this ballclub has dropped by about 40 lbs and 5 years! Maybe we can convince Harold Baines to play again! Does Jim Thome have a twin we can sign? Maybe Billy Butler has a heavier, older brother. Oh, what will we do without Griffey and Toby Hall? Expect details about the number retirement ceremonies soon. 17 and 44 will never be done justice again.

Yes, the Sox have chosen not to pick up Griffey’s $16 million option (shocking, I know!) nor Hall’s. It is, in fact, understandable. Both were overpaid (Griffey on a much larger scale than Toby, of course) and injury-prone. Griffey had knee surgery recently and complained of general soreness all year. Plus, with age come other problems (and not just loss of bladder control) like loss of speed. Not that that has been a factor for Griffert this year. As for Hall, what he did for our team always put him in the line of fire. Just by using his talents, he nearly made a trip to the D.L.. Pie is not something you joke around with, folks. If Hall won’t be back for a smaller paycheck, then a whole new dilemma arises in the form of someone to bestow the title of Cream Pie Man (The 12-year-old in me just really wanted to say that.) in the future. Perhaps Brian Anderson, who will be headed for more bench time next year if a trade doesn’t displace either Swish or Brian. Or maybe A.J. because a.) he is a catcher, and b.) because it would add so much to his persona. He would do it in an evil way and even “congratulate” “spectacular” members of the opposite team with poison or steroid pies.

All jokes aside, Griffey as a player won’t be missed much. He made small contributions to the team, but hurt it just as much. As a person, the Legend of Griffey will be missed. At least the Sox can say they had the Great Junior in a black and white uniform. Hall certainly earned his salary. While I called him a “professional jinx,” he wasn’t a bad catcher at all. His ERA was something like 3.74 and his batting average wasn’t all bad. Plus, he used to be quite a looker back in the day. He may return for a reduced salary, but for now, we are prepared to let the number 44 pass back to Anderson.

Bringing the weight average down further is Juan Uribe who, together with Joe Crede, filed for Free Agency. It is expected to be the end of their respective runs with the Sox. Uribe, much like Hall, wouldn’t have the playing time next year to earn his salary. He is possibly looking for a starting job. As for Crede, when a final move is made, I will write about it then.