Tuesday, February 8, 2011

If You're "All In", Get Out!

Later that night: It's just been announced that the White Sox 2011 ad campaign is titled "All In." Oh dear lord!

It’s colder than a witch’s tit out there! And you know what that means! It’s time for the White Sox Blog to come back to life. No, that’s completely made up. But after computer malfunctions last December and a crazy January, I find myself in February, ready to pick up my typewriter and write to my adoring fans. Also, I have a new laptop on which to write my blog on.

First, let me just tell you that if I ever read the phrases “All In” and “White Sox” in a sentence (apart from this one) ever again, I might personally go to Jerry Reinsdorf’s house and steal his wallet. Now clearly, Jerry allowed the Sox to expand their budget a tad, but this “tad” is probably still on pace with average revenue growth. It’s not like he’s not going to get that money back and then some. “All-In” doesn’t even apply to this situation. Unless our payroll was double that of the Yankees and had half of their players, we are being duped into believing Jerry is making some great sacrifice and giving us the money his wife would otherwise use to buy dinner.

As for Jake Peavy being “All In”… yeah, well he better be. He’s getting paid and adding no value. On a more serious note, he seems determined to be our 5th starter by opening day. My hopes aren’t as high. Then again, if Jose Contreras did it, so can Jake Peavy. Oh, God. Let’s not make that analogy.

If Peavy isn’t ready, Freddy Garcia isn’t an option either. It turns out Freddy got picked up by the Yankees. That’s right. New York’s going to get a little wetter this summer. Freddy and Colon in a Yankees uniform. A sight to behold! You are one Jose Contreras away from the best team ever!

There’s always Chris Sale, according to the internet. And while my little “hole in the wall” blog is part of the internet nevertheless, I am going to respectfully disagree. Freakin’ idiots. Okay, forget the “respectfully” part. You’re not going to entrust your starting rotation to a kid in the year that you’re going balls to the walls (alternative #1 for “All-In”). Who knows what problems Sale will display when pitching for 7 innings at a time? And, not to agree with Don Cooper, but he shouldn’t be bounced around. Look at what it did to Beckham. At least in theory.

In minor league news, Joe Crede is back! He’s back baby! Crede has inked a minor league deal with the Rockies. That’s pretty much the worst thing I’ve ever heard, but at least it’s something! Show them what you’ve got, Joe!

In related news (if you define “related” and “news” loosely), Gordy Becks has decided he will no longer do things like endorsements, and focus on baseball. That’ll disappoint the Victoria’s Secret girls. And the Giordano’s manager. And anyone who counts on Beckham’s salary for that matter. And on that note, I’m sorry if you came to this website because you searched “Eva Longoria shirtless.” There were 18 of you. Thanks for that precious info, Google Analytics.

It’s good to be back. Join me Thursday, when I attempt to catch up on an entire offseason of baseball and I say more mean things about Mark Teahen.

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