Arbitrary Laughs

The Sox have offered Orlando Cabrera arbitration, that’s a fact. In return, they’ll get two prime draft picks- that is, if he turns it down. You might scoff and maybe do a spit take. “What do you mean, ‘if’? I thought that was a done deal. No more O.C.” Well, some don’t see that as such a far-fetched idea. Blame it on the economy, or the free agent market, but that’s still a possibility. Personally, I don’t see it happening, but wouldn’t that be something? Something out of a hidden camera prank show.

I’ll tell you, the hype and the White Sox organization itself makes me laugh this winter. The Sox chose to proudly display their new acquisitions on the front page. With a photo. And what a photo it was. I’m not trying to offend anyone, but it seems that this young man partook in an Olympic game of some sort.

But even more flattering than that picture is perhaps [the description of newly signed John Van Benschoten’s accomplishments].

“Van Benschoten, a 28-year-old starter, went a combined 2-13 with a 9.20 ERA in 26 appearances, including 19 starts, with the Pirates in 2004, '07 and '08. He went 1-3 with a 10.48 ERA in nine appearances, including five starts, this past season.”

He sounds like a real find, doesn’t he? Don’t get me wrong, his minor league numbers seem okay, but why start with the embarrassing stats?

I wish I had gotten on top of this and written this early enough that the Sox hadn’t taken down their article, but sources reported that they had some sort of interest in Cantu. The article went on to say that he was a far less than adequate third baseman and that the Giants (his previous organization) would move him to first base if they could not trade him. Because that’s exactly what our team needs- another Josh Fields! Another guy counting down the days until he can move to DH. Maybe, like Fields, he just needs a bigger glove. This image is already famous. It’s really the only one the Sox P.R. people use when publishing an article about Fields. I’m not sure if I feel more uncomfortable looking at how tiny his glove is and that it is already closed, or knowing that he honest-to-goodness believed he would catch that ball.

I recently found out that The Hawk has a twin. Honestly, every time I see a clip of this man, I think of all the things I would like to explain to Mr. Harrelson. Like the appropriate use of the words “good” and “well,” as well as the fine art of finishing a sentence rather than letting it…