Thursday, November 18, 2010

Fire Sale! Everyone Must Go! Great Deals Here!

If you are a White Sox fan, read the following paragraph. If not, skip it to the next one! It’ll be real good! It has recently come to my attention that Brent Morell was named (unofficially, perhaps, as of now) the White Sox’ new third baseman. While I have mixed feelings on this issue, there is another that springs to mind when thinking about this issue. What of Mark Teahen? To be honest, the only realistic solution is that the Sox pay him $4 million for him to play with the Charlotte Knights. You may say, “there’s always someone stupid enough. They might take him on and even give him an extension and a raise.” If you were a fan of say, the Oakland Athletics, or the Royals, you’d be right. Those idiots are the Sox. But on the totem pole of dumb decisions… well, it doesn’t get any dumber than that. Who would buy this crap?

In just 77 games, Teahen picked up 25 RBI!!! 25! That’s almost one point courtesy of Mark Teahen for every 3 games he plays! He also stole 3 bases! That’s exactly 300% more than Paul Konerko stole in 2009! 300%! That’s a big number! And you just can’t argue with numbers! Especially if I make them bold, underlined, or a really big font. He also had 89 bases this year! That’s like 22 home runs! How many home runs did he actually hit? Well, that’s just irrelevant! I just said it was like 22! NUMBERS! His batting average was .290 and his on base percentage was a decent .357! Yes, that was in 2006 and with the Royals, not the Sox, but again, IRRELEVANT! I mean… if you’re to compare him with the world’s greatest third baseman, Josh Fields, well, then Mark Teahen looks even better! You know how many stolen bases HE had? 0! How many RBI? 6! Some third baseman, right? Look at Teahen! It’s all NUMBERS! You know what else is a big number? 100%! Yes, that’s his fielding percentage! I mean, for a third baseman, that’s REALLLLL good! Better than Joe Crede. And by that, I mean better than when Joe Crede played the OF, 1B, and DH! And for just $4 million dollars, you can have him! That’s SOOO much less than Alex Rodriguez, how can you say no? YOU CAN’T SAY NO!


Tony said...

My prediction:

Teahen will get picked up by the Twins, with the Sox paying half his 2011 salary... and then hit .340 with 23 HR's in the first half, and make the All-Star team as the Twins go to the World Series.

Morel will pull an oblique muscle in May and be off/on, hitting .225, and staying just viable enough to prevent Kenny from getting anyone else, although Uribe will become available in July (remember that guy?)

White Sox Blog said...

Haha, wouldn't that be just our luck? It always seems like whoever the Sox release go and provide more value in one year than they did in their last 5!

Tony said...

Yup, last year was a supreme bummer. Also, watch for Brian Anderson to come back as a pitcher, and be a lights out closer for KC just in time for us to lose Jenks, and Kenny'll probably overpay for Papelbon just as he blows out his shoulder and decides to be a junkman.

OK, I'm sounding cynical, I'm not: just getting ready to watch the Bears beat up the 'phins tonight.